Let me tell you, this money mindset work shenanigans are never eve done.
I was faced with an ugly gremlin this morning which has further prompted the fact there is still more deep work to be done to open my fucking container!!! And my container is already pretty big
As I shared last week on a blog post, I had a tough week albeit the fact my book soared to the top of the charts in amazon after appearing on BBC Radio 2.
I was desperately trying to revel in the excitement but behind the scenes, I was feeling broken-hearted after a breakdown of a friendship.
I shared the feelings in a blog post which resulted in retaliation which knocked me off my socks. Mainly because the retaliation included fully-fledged defamation.
Anyway, I don’t want to dwell on this anymore as quite honestly, I gave away so much of my power and energy to a situation and I refuse to slip into victim mode, which I had dwelled in for a week prior.
The reality is, as humans we can’t cope with injustice and takes every inch of our souls to fight egos needs to defend. I’m proud of myself this week for not letting my ego win, because ultimately when you fight with an idiot, you become one too.
Needless to say, this week has tested my character and my patience and I started to feel quite unlike myself and I knew what this all called for.. a holiday.
We didn’t go away in May as I wanted to be grounded for my book launch so I cancelled our trip to Mykonos. but because I work from home, a change in location is important for my soul and due to the soul constricting situations of the past week, I wanted to be somewhere that felt EXPANSIVE TO ME.
The truth is, my publishers and agents told me to stay put ‘in case’ of the press, and I felt this huge resistance in me.
At that moment I knew I was blocking the manifestation of anything ‘big’ happening. I LOOKED AT MY HUSBAND AND TOLD HIM, I FEEL SO CONFLICTED. I cannot stay tuned into Universe FM if I feel this confliction.
But when I sat down alone, with a pen in my hand and my journal, what I wanted was right there… I needed a shift in environment…..so off I went to book a holiday
The time it fucking took me to search drove me bonkers. The indecision of where to go drove me bonkers. The fact every hotel I liked was fully booked (as it’s last-minute). drove me bonkers.
“PICK ANYWHERE!” Richard would say.
I would snarl at him.. HE DIDNT GET IT… I DIDNT WANT TO BOOK anywhere!!!
I wanted to book somewhere that lifted my spirits and my soul.
And well that comes with a price.
And here I realized… I STILL HAVE A HUGE MONEY BLOCK. And I needed to share it with you.. to show you how these things creep up- even for me!!!
You see, as the payment option came up. I hesitated, I felt resistance.. why?
‘i heard the voice in my head.. 5 days away would be the same cost as half a year of my children’s school fees’
” You can’t do that Noor”
“that isn’t responsible Noor”
“That’s a lot of money Noor”
“Is 5 days away worth the same as 6 months of private school fees”
I really had to look at what the stories were/
The thing is, once I had seen this hotel online and seen the suite, my soul screamed THERE!!!!!!!.
I tried to look elsewhere, I tried to downgrade what my soul wanted…
I was going to spend that on my book launch party- which I never went on
I was going to spend that on a week in Mykonos, which we never went on.
I could hear my brain being logical…but the soul isn’t logical.
I closed my laptop in fury, FOT FUCKS SAKE.
I CAN AFFORD THIS!!!!!!!!!
And yet.. even though I can afford it, there was. belief underneath that was trying to stop me.
and I WOULDNT LET THAT FUCKER WIN.
MY SOUL WANTS THIS. I DESERVE IT.
So I booked it… (well .. I did that thing on booking.com where you reserve it ..as I need to get the absolute OK FROM my PR team that I am ok to go.)
And the minute I booked it.. relief. excitement.
I felt immediately expansive. IT WS WORTH JUST PRESSING THE BUTTON TO GET THE FUCKING FEELING.
In my business, I’ve made loads of big ass business decisions that have cost a shit load of money and when it comes to my business, I barely flinch- except for the £50k investment – that made me flinch like fuck.
But I’ve done £15k, £25k investments all the time. spending £2k in my business is EASY for me… but when it comes to ME, I stop. I get right up in my own grill with ‘the sensibilities.’
And I know whos voice..my mums. my mother’s voice. It is my mother’s story… not mine.
So I commit the next 2 days to uncover and smashing through this godforsaken block.
I know that money is limitless and that I can make that money in abundance. I’ve done five figures in sales every month for 3 years!!!!!
But beliefs are strong little fuckers. the bullshit can be so heavy!!!!!
So anyways…..the moral of the story is.. listen to the voices.. who do they belong to?
The second moral, the mindset work is never ever done, there are always pesky weeds to pull out.
Third.. honour your soul. my soul doesn’t crave designer handbags, or shoes, my soul craves holidays that lift me…
And if you don’t follow your soul.. then what are you following? EGO. The fear-based part of you.
AND listen, this is not a message about reckless spending. I DO NOT ADVOCATE spending money you do not have, unless it’s a business investment, because I invested a lot to get where I am today and I didn’t have the money.
I CAN HAPPILY AFFORD this holiday. my mind was trying to trip me up with my mother’s stories.
You need to learn to recognize the TRUTH FROM THE LIES
And remember to commit to the work.
Love Noor xox