I need to be honest, around a month ago, I was feeling a little funky. Everything is going amazing yet there was a little niggle inside. It felt like resistance and blockage rolled into one and it started to manifest into physical ailments.
I randomly slipped on the stairs and badly hurt my toe (weeks later it still hasn’t healed completely) and a few days after that whilst casually walking and picking out new pillows for my living room, my knee spasmed and I was in agony and couldn’t walk. I am a great believer in the metaphysical and so as a girl who very rarely gets unwell of hurts myself, I headed straight to my bookshelf and grabbed my beautiful yellow copy of You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay. I was convinced she had the answer.
As I scrolled through the pages to the bit around the body, I started to educate myself what the underlying causes of my pain. Louise Hay explains that our spirit communicates problems through our body and that each pain or illness or disease is a consequence of an emotional issue that has not been solved. My new found appreciation for the link between mind, body and spirit came about when my brother got diagnosed with cancer a few years ago.
I woke up the next day still in pain and the physic I saw that day, told me that there was nothing wrong. NOTHING wrong? I could barely walk. I sat down and asked myself the question, “Body, tell me what’s going on?’”
I had read that toes were to do with support and knees to do with ego and conflict and that pain on the left side had to do with the feminine energy and in particular an issue with your mother.
All of this was resonating.
I had been dealing with a few conflicts in the previous weeks and well, in all honesty, my mother has always been my closest friend but in the last few months, there had been some unusual distance after a disagreement a few months back and quite honestly I missed our relationship. We still spoke all the time but I felt myself holding back and I hadn’t truly addressed why I was putting up a big wall but it was time to really address the issue.
The thing is, there are situations in my life that I wasn’t standing up to and there are situations where I need to back down. Being a spiritual person, I always try to lead with love but sometimes it is not that easy. But what I have come to realise is, that LOVING YOURSELF must come first. If people are not treating you the way you expect to be treated than being spiritual does not mean having to put up with it. You are allowed to say to them, no more.
Another issue is I had sought advice from my trusted compadre, my dad. What I have realised is by doing what he suggested, this was causing me inner conflict because it is not what I would have intuitively down myself. He is very logical (he is a lawyer) and he can be very unemotional at the time, which is great too as women can get their emotions tied up n their business way too much. And sometimes is good because of feisty fiery, ‘speak before you think Noor’ may’ve had an opportunity to pop out. FYI I have spent many years trying to calm her down as ego runs the “ I am always right” show.
But what I have realised by taking other peoples advice was that it stopped me speaking my truth. I was not doing what I believed was necessary or right in my heart, This was causing a conflict internally that was manifesting my bodily ailments. Sometimes, it is ok for emotional to get involved. Sometimes it is not. Sometimes it is important, to be honest, and tell people ‘enough is enough’ and sometimes it is not. But I should have trusted my OWN instincts and gut instead of relying on the advice of others in solutions of conflict that I will admit, I didn’t feel ‘safe’ enough to deal with alone. Why, because my inner child was seeking safety and comfort from my dad. Not the 31-year-old bad ass businesswomen who know what to do. I was relying on protection and support but what that did, was dampen that powerful inner guide who knows what she needs to do.
So, from this day onward I have made a solemn promise to myself that all decisions will be my own and my own only and so shall the consequences. I will take full ADULT responsibility for my actions and do what pleases me first. It is funny that as soon as I started to do what I needed to do, my knee started to heal. I asked the Universe for support in forgiving those who I felt were attacking me and to give me the strength to deal with all situations with dignity and power which protects myself and showed myself the utmost love and attention.
I often see women doing exactly what I have done. Not stand up for themselves for fear that it would ruin that reputation or brand or seek advice from those so they feel comfortable in their decisions even if ultimately it isn’t what they would WANT to do. They let people cross boundaries, talk badly to them and still let them be in their world. It wasn’t until a week after all of this that I had a richer understanding of what was driving me to a) ask my dad for advice b) continue to people please despite the fact they were not treating me in the way I would treat others.
I went to my first kinesiology appointment and wow it was enlightening.
Join me in the next blog post as I talk things energy and how my inner child has been running the show more than I ever realised.